please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
