He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
