So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize