then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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