Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
