I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
