She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
