Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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