Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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