Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
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