Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
