this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize