Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
