theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
My pussy is not your playground.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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