honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
