Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
