Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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