a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
