You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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