I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
