hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
