Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
