I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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