Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
