If i come over, it means nothing
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
