if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
