I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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