just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
