Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
