At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize