dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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