I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
