your parents love me but you hate me
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
