I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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