Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
