Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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