I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize