oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
either way he was missing a nipple.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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