How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
