so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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