she was so not down for the gang bang
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize