The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
