i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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