I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize