I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
