Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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