You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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