Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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