Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
