Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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