One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
