All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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