It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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