Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
