Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
