i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We have started to decorate penises.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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