you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Randomize
