I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
