Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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