he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
