he shaved USA in his pubs
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize