there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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