Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
