Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
