If i come over, it means nothing
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Send help, water and tortillas.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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