i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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