I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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