Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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