so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
