I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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