i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
