I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
