dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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