The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My penis needs a shock collar
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
