well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
