i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
