You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
