Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Randomize
