I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
