she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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