now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize