I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
