The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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