Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
