I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
