I think i peed on brittanys purse
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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