You really coming over, don't trick.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize