sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
