All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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