I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
