i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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