I smell stomach acid.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
