real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
