I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
