I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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