Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Come on in and take your pants off
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