I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
