Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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