My hand turned me down
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
